The podge is back

I have just downloaded the blogger app to my phone and whoala my blog no more podgy meggs that I started 4 years ago, is all there !! So I've just finished reading every post and man I have not changed one bit cos here I am at 105kgs with a 4 year old and a nearly 6 week old - my boys

Now there's no excuses for being this weight again but I have just had a baby after 5 miscarriages after having my first son I'm giving myself some slack - I'm still none the wiser when it comes to losing the weight but I'm still just as determined to lose it especially since I'm not having any more children, completely blessed with my boys and given my history of miscarriages (9 in total) I'm not putting myself and my body through that again and my husband and i are completely happy with our two boys.

So the only difference is that - every time I would lose weight in the past I would get pregnant which then lead me on this self destruction path as I would then miscarry and the weight would pile back on. So here's to losing weight and keeping it off.

I'm 38 years old I'm happy in my job, my love and my life so my weight is my final box to tick and I'm going to conquer this by my 40th birthday

The plan? Well I have been doing the protein eating for 2 weeks now and have started walking I've lost 2kgs so I was 107kgs but if anything I have learnt from the past is I can't deprive myself of specific things as I end up having a massive binge session which actually happened yesterday.

I was hungry yesterday and in the end after fighting and fighting it my brain went into this totally do not give a fuck mindset and I went crazy just eating every thing I had deprived myself of in the last two weeks

One thing is for sure I need to go back to the gym as that really puts me in the right head space and if I do go off the rails I've at least done the exercise to compensate for it

As for eating I'm going to try not over complicate things I'm going to calorie count thanks to the my fitness pal app (love it) and my new fitbit flex - I'm allowing myself raw sugar in my coffee but 4 tsps a day max - a slice of toast for breaky - a peice of dark chocolate per day, these are the 3 things I crave so by allowing myself to have them daily in moderation it should reduce my binge eating sessions

Will it stop me binge eating?  I don't think so at first but I'm hoping eventually I won't even think about it

I could go on and on right now in detail believe me but after spending all morning reading and now writing this blog it's time for me to  get off my ass and take my boys out in the sunshine, go for a walk, and start my new journey !!